I remember like it was yesterday. It was a warm night in June when my friends husband followed me outside into a church parking lot, like he had done a million times before. He pulled me to the side of his truck where no one could see him. I tried walking away but he forcefully grabbed my arm and began kissing my neck, it wasn’t long before he was asking for more. I didn’t tell my friend what happened that night but I told her soon after.
Now, fast forward 5 years. I am now married to an amazing guy and together we have a child. My friend was my matron of honor in the wedding and the man who tried to sleep with me in a church parking lot sat on the back pew. Some may call me crazy because I stayed in the friendship and because I kept myself around this man but keep in mind, his wife and I were inseparable and I had been assured nothing would happen again. They were wrong. The same scenario as before never happened again but he didn’t stop for long. He would continue trying to mess with me to the point to where I couldn’t sleep at night and I couldn’t stand being touched, not even by my own husband. This man would run his hand down my shirt and tell me to “keep my mouth shut”, so I did. He told me every time I saw him, “you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on”, umm what? What about your wife? He would ask me to show him private areas on my body and tell me he couldn’t wait to get me alone. I would beg him to stop touching me but he would laugh and tell me he was only joking. Before long he was forcing me to come over to their house and if I didn’t go he would take it out on his wife. She had no idea any of this was going on. When I would go out to eat with them, he would always ride in the front seat and run his hand down the back to rub my legs and try to go up my skirts. I slapped his hand and pushed him off, every single time. He would laugh. There was this one time in particular when I pushed him off, he grabbed my thigh so hard his nails made me bleed. He assured me he was joking with me and if I told his wife any of this it would only cause problems between the two of us. He asked me numerous times “are you willing to give up your friendship?”. So, I talked to myself and decided I could handle him. I could make all of this go away. So I thought. But I couldn’t. The next thing I knew he was forcing himself upon me, rubbing his manhood against me, pushing me against tables, and touching me in ways no married man should touch another married woman. He was begging me to sleep with him and telling me he thought of me when he had sex with his wife. His wife, my best friend. The woman I told everything to, the one I trusted and who trusted me. I didn’t feel very trustworthy at this point. The person I loved more than anyone else on this earth. He was trying to cheat on her. With me! I wanted to be that person who screamed “SCREW YOU” and immediately ran to her and told her everything that was going on but I wasn’t. I was scared and didn’t want to hurt her. I felt disgusted and nasty. Was this my fault? What had I done to make him do this to me? This continued for 6 months and I worked up the courage to tell my friend. I told her as much as she was willing to hear, which wasn’t even half of it. I quit going to her house when he was there, I quit hanging out with them, and I never had to see him. That should have been it, I should have felt better and free but I didn’t. She stayed with him and decided to fix their marriage but she wanted me to stay in her life. So, I tried.
It’s been 5 months since I told her. She’s making plans and planning vacations with this man. She told me she believed me but in my eyes she has chosen him. If I could go back and relive those days again, I wouldn’t have told her a single thing. I would have endured the pain and just walked away from the friendship. He told me this is how things would be if I told her, that she would never choose me over him and he was right. Sometimes I think she blames me for everything that went on and for the problems their marriage temporarily had due to this. I take my life day by day now. I have other friends I am scared to get close to because I can’t take this happening again. I think of the pain he caused every single day and I would give anything for a normal life. I think what I miss most is the closeness my friend and I had at one point. We still talk every day but everything is different. The man she loves more than anything in this world is the same man who caused me more pain than I could ever imagine.